All in a Monday

This morning, I spent a good time together with Eugene. We met early, tho both of us were late, and had QT together. The time praying and reading the bible was really refreshing. Very encouraged by Eugene when he asked questions about the context and people in the passage that we were reading. Really think that this bro has alot of potential to grow in God.

But an uneventful thing happened later. Min Zhen lost her wallet on her way back to HQ from YIH. She wasn't feeling well, and the lost of her wallet really made her looked very pale. Michelle, Jiexian and me were very worried for her. We tried to split up and traced back the way she had came but the effort was in vain. Later me and mich accompanied her to OSA to make a report as well as to cancel her ATM card. There was alot of money in it. God, may you cause the person who picked it up return the wallet honestly back to her.

Following that, Jeffery said that he's not meeting us for lunch... another disappointment.

But glad to see my old pal, Kunxiang, he came to sch to settle some admin for his SEP and dropped by to look for me. We had 水饺 in arts canteen together. Very short meet up but a good one. Thank God, cos i havent seen him for a while, after exams till now.

Just now had a short discussion with Mich. After the conversation, much thoughts ran through my mind... my heart is heavy with these thoughts. It is a difficult thing to accept my shortcomings and to come before God to seek his love and renewal.

Now i'm very very tired. Very afraid to sleep with all my thoughts and worries at the back of my mind. Really need to be refreshed by God. Listening to "By Your Wondrous Love" now, 4th time. Lord, by your precious blood, help me walk with you closer everyday. I know my covenant i had with you, Lord, guide me and give me a willing spirit to sustain me. I know You will.

Measurement II tutorial

Today is really a long day for me.. actually havent really done alot of things, but felt rather drained at the end of my lesson at 830pm. Though it was a good tutorial, I went in unprepared and not knowing how to do my tutorial, but thank God it went on quite smoothly. My groupmates are quite nice. Its my first time working with this group of classmates. After much discussion and trying out, we left the tutorial with a better understanding of the subject.

This is a very difficult module... got a C last sem, really hope that i can do better this sem.

CG 25082005 - The Promised Land

Today had an interesting cg meeting. Kin Wee, Singing, Zhen Zheng, Changjie and Weiling were all blinded-folded at LT 6 and led by Jiexian and Michie to the "Promised Land" (rooftop of EA). And where is Mr Jan?? He din skip cg of cos... he is actually blind-folded also! "Blind-folded" in lecture... :( My mind is too tired to absorb anything from the lecture... as good as blind and deaf.

Okay anyway, back to the topic... so they are all led to the "Promised Land" in pitch darkness. I wondered how it feel to be in their shoes. So at the roof top, they were sharing how they felt during the walk to the destination. My mind was rather bloated and a bit annoyed cos my handphone seems to be spoiled. The receiving side cannot heard my voice. I sat down and listened. Some felt fear of falling down, some feel frustrated cos can't see anything, and all felt rather hot and sweating in the process. haha.. must be their hearts beating very fast.

Then later Michie was sharing abt some of her fears in taking care of people and she asked us abt our deepest fears. I tot it was quite an easy question.. but after some thought, I realised I had alot of fears in my life. Which one is the deepest?? Just when Zhen Zhong was sharing, I came to realise that I had a deep fear of losing faith in God.

At that moment, I teared. The roof top was dark, think nobody realise me wiping it off my eyes. I realised I really fear losing faith in God. And I mean REALLY losing faith.. not the occasional thought of backsliding during difficult times. But one that is really after evaluating, and realised that there is really no point in my pursue in God cos God is not real and doesn't keep His word.

As I shared abt it, I told everyone that if that day comes I might commit suicide. All these years, there are really alot of joyous moments with God, and there are alot alot of down times which God has faithfully brought me through. I have been so touched that there was once I told one of my close friends this, "if after all these happenings, I were to say God is not real, I won't be able to say it out" I really fear that day, when everything that I do really mount to nothing; when I think it pointless in my pursue in God. I dunno why I have such fear. But as long as now that I see, GOD U ARE REAL! We prayed at the end of the session, I really prayed that God will be faithful to me as He said he would, and I will not lose faith in Him.

To come to think of it, this might be the last cg together with Jiexian. Its really memorable. Jiexian, wanna say "thanks for your advice and guidance over the past 3 months, I appreciate your genuinity and sincerity. I am inspired by your faith and closeness with God." All the best to you from the bottom of my heart.

This is the first time I'm blogging. Not sure what can I share with you all. My life is rather simple and yet complex.. hmm.. sounds paradoxical, but that's what life is isn't it? Who doesn't want to live life simply?

When I was a little boy, I used to dream about my life in the future - have a good career, earning big bucks, has a big house, married with a loving wife, and how I would play with my kids and grow old with them...

But as I grow a little older each time, slowly I began to learn that this is all a little too simple and it won't happen in my life. How can there be a life without worries like those in my dreams? All of us shoulder different responsibilities which usually circulate around certain key areas in our lives: family, study, career, loans. The thought of just a few of them are good enough to bring revelation that Mediacorp drama, disneyland fairytales, and stories alike are not possible to happen in most people's lives unless we are rich.. not just rich but Very rich.. but then again... can rich people REALLY live a SIMPLE life? hmm..

Then I wonder what are all this fuss about?! Why not just live, be happy and die? die then die lah.. no big deal!

Actually "fear" is the main culprit. Dun believe? How about fear of loneliness? Fear of losing your love ones, fear of not being able to make ends meet, fear of being poor, fear of what people will think of you, fear of not being able to take good care of your family, fear of sickness - especially for papa and mama, fear of not doing well in study, fear of maintaining your grades, fear of disappointing people who place their hopes on you, fear of not being able to secure a good career, fear of retiring loans... this list goes on. Just when you thought you have a solution for a fear, which is the cause of another fear, new fear arises.

The thoughts of all these are scary.. but really glad that I have found God in my life. The funny thing is that God didn't give me any concrete solutions or make life simpler for that matter of fact. Instead He makes me realised there are more problems and responsiblity in my life that I had knew I had. With His grace, I began to look at my life with clearer understanding. Fears and problems still do exist, and they really do, in fact new problems surface after I came to know God. But these make Jesus all the more real in my life as I wrestle together with Him through each turning point in my life - something that I have never experienced for the first 18 years of my life. Now everyday I'm learning, learning to appreciate life and the people around me, and making sense out of every ups and downs. The difference from now and then, is that there is Hope at the end of the day, Hope that only comes from God. Knowing that He loves me, this Hope never fails. I had found my Hope. Have you?